Wednesday, January 12, 2011

S*&T My Kids Say, Part One


Sarah, on coming inside after eating mud:  "I mixed together some dirt and water and it tasted like chocolate milk, cause I wanted it to."

Cathy, playing with her Barbies:  "I just don't love you anymore, Ken.  I'm in love with... this guy."

Sarah, playing with her Barbies:  "What's wrong with her, Doctor?"  "I think she's in a trance."  "Oh, no!"  "Oh, yes.  What this girl needs is a corndog."

Cathy, applying age-defying make up to Sarah:  "Hold still!"  "But, Cathy, you said this will take decades off my face!"  "So, what?"  "I'm only ten.  Won't it erase me?"  "I think it's starting to work..."

Sarah, laughing uproariously amid a mess of popcorn and our dog:  "Mom, watch this!  I rub popcorn into my armpit and Gonzo licks the butter out!"  "Sarah, what on earth gave you that idea?"  "I dunno.  It was the voice in my heart."  And she imitated the voice in her heart, a gutteral hiss like the demon in the Exorcist:  "Sarah... Take some popcorn... Rub it on your skin..."

Cath and Sarah, dressing up in feather boas, big sunglasses, plastic high heels, to fool their friends into thinking movie stars had come to town.  When the kids on bikes rode by and yelled, "Hi, Cathy!  Hi, Sarah!", Cathy stormed inside and fumed, "They knew.  They all knew."  Sarah didn't realize her getup fooled no one and tottered back inside:  "I'm a famous movie star.  You don't know who I am, Mom." 

Only two people in the world call me Mom.  I had a clue which is the shorter one.  : ) 


  1. I agree. "Taking decades off" one's face is a problem if you're only ten. :-) I laughed 'til I cried!